The Grudge Queen!

“The Scriptures Will Soften Your Heart If You Let It!”

Ephesians 4:32

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”

The Struggle Of Unforgiveness Is Real!

Can you relate? Have you ever tried to convince yourself that you were a forgiving person, only to come to terms with the reality that you really weren’t? I can, I truly believed I was a forgiving person. I was living life as normal as if I also wasn’t walking around with a heart full of offenses and resentment towards others.

It became a normal practice for me to convince myself that I wasn’t offended anytime I was or that I didn’t harbor resentment. I didn’t want to admit I was bothered. One thing I’ve learned about us humans, we do not like anyone poking at our wounds that aren’t yet healed. We’d rather they be left alone; if they heal, they heal, and if they don’t, then they don’t.

Quick Story Time

About a month ago, I had a conviction. The Lord had me confront some unresolved feelings of resentment that I was convinced was no longer there. Not me, not Miss, “I know how to let go of things, because I’ve done the work on myself.” I bet God laughs at me sometimes.

Last year I went to an old mentor of mine seeking advice. It was a real cry for help at the time and because I was at the beginning stages of my walk I went into the conversation expecting a co-signer. My ears were only tuned into what I wanted to hear. So offense took over quickly and had me feeling dismissed.

Knowing that the Lord wanted me to let it go made me a little uneasy only because I felt justified in my feelings. Bitterness had taken root in my heart as I held onto the offense, making it harder to confront my feelings.

I repented, prayed, and asked for forgiveness and after bringing the offense to my old mentor, making amends and much reflection on how I can sometimes be highly sensitive, expecting my feelings to be catered to and understanding that the offense was unintentional, my heart began to soften. Just like that, I felt light and free. This was just one of many times when the Lord had called me to reconcile with someone.

Offense Manifests Into Unforgiveness

When you’re unhealed it’s nearly impossible to understand the foundational principals of forgiveness or the immense relief you get once you release it to God. Take it from someone who knows about all the struggle.

Offense can create resentment meaning that when you feel hurt, insulted or wronged, you have a tendency to develop feelings of anger, bitterness and ill will towards a person or situation that caused you harm. It makes it difficult to let go of the hurt and move towards forgiveness.

Even hardening your heart towards God, because you’re closed off from any form of reasoning. It becomes hard for you to show your neighbor any grace. Conversations with you are like a volcano waiting to erupt, a person doesn’t know if the next thing they say will be the very thing that triggers you or not.

When we feel offended, our emotional response is to create a barrier, preventing us from empathizing with the other person’s perspective. The lingering feelings of offense can lead to a cycle of negativity, where instead of healing, we find ourselves clinging to the pain and unable to forgive.

Freedom In Letting Go!

I’ve come to truly understand why forgiveness is so important. Before embracing Christ, I was indifferent to the idea of extending grace to others. If someone wronged me without remorse, I felt no obligation to forgive them or I just pretended I didn’t care.

However, I soon realized that the energy spent harboring bitterness and resentment was extremely draining. Holding onto unforgiveness was robbing me of joy and peace, affecting the way I handled other relationships. It created an emotional wall, leaving me guarded, and others became innocent casualties of this internal conflict.

You Can’t Do It On You Own

Forgiveness, as I’ve learned in the Bible, starts with me recognizing my own need for forgiveness through Christ. In order for me to forgive, I first had to pray for the strength to let go of grudges, because let me be real for a moment, I was the Grudge Queen!

I needed God to help me extend grace to those who had offended me. I reflected often and meditated on scriptures like Ephesians 4:32, which calls me to be kind and compassionate, while forgiving others just as Christ forgave me. I started to understand that it was important to confront issues head on, instead of suppressing my feelings and emotions.

Studying passages such as Eph. 4:32 gave me the motivation I needed to start expressing my feelings honestly, but in love. I understood that forgiveness is a choice just like anything else in life.

God won’t force you to forgive, but choosing to forgive, is an act of obedience to God, not just a feeling; it’s about letting go of the hurt in order to embrace healing, which creates a more sincere and lasting relationship with Him and with others.

Be Intentional

Forgiveness is ongoing because, let’s be honest, we’re human. We get triggered, and our emotions are real, but when you have a why for what you’re doing, it becomes more intentional for you.

It gives you a motive to keep it up and think about your actions and behavior before you do them. The most dangerous place to be is in a place where you don’t care or you’re indifferent. The demonic is real, and the enemy thrives off of you making a home and settling in unforgiveness.

Scriptures For Forgiveness:

Ephesians 4:31-32 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

(Christ calls believers to rid ourselves of rage that keeps us at odds with one another or from creating unity and peace. Instead show kindness and compassion and being quick to forgive. Walking in the fruits of the Spirit and deny the flesh.)

Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

(Help each other carry each other’s burden and release all resentment, bitterness and anger towards your neighbor)

Proverbs 19:11 “A person’s wisdom yields patience, it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.

(A wise man or woman is not easily angered and understands that there is honor in forgiving rather than revenge.)

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

(This is another favorite of mine, because it doesn’t mean God will bless whatever a person does. It means God gives believers the strength to do whatever he asks them to do! So if He is calling believers to let go of offenses and forgive, He WILL give you the strength to do it even though it’s extremely hard at times and we don’t want to release people sometimes. If you are sincere in your prayer while denying the flesh, He WILL do it for you, trust me! I’m a literal living testimony!)