When Healing Feels Like Breaking

—2 Kings 20:5

The in Between

If healing were a straight line, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much.

If it always looked like worship music, soft tears, and fresh journal pages, then maybe I wouldn’t question whether I’m doing it right.

Real healing… that deep, soul-level, God-led healing… doesn’t always feel good.

Sometimes it feels like breaking in places that I keep trying to rush through, knowing they’re still fragile.

Sometimes I don’t want to go through the breaking. Sometimes I wish I had a Time Machine, so I could take a glimpse into my future… just to see if I ever get through it.

But I know, that’s not reality.

Sometimes healing feels like facing the same wounds, just with a stronger heart, but still feeling the sting.

Grief in the Quiet Moments

This past week… it’s like the surface of my healing was peeled back a bit.

Not in a dramatic way, but in a quiet, uncomfortable one.

I’ve felt moments of sadness I didn’t want to feel. Emotions that caught me off guard.

And I had to face the fact that I’m still carrying some things I thought I had laid down.

It’s like every week I discover something new, something that was buried deep. Hidden even.

As if it’s God’s way of reminding me this is a journey of discovery, not a journey to a destination.

Sometimes it’s not the big heartbreaks that set you back, it’s the little reminders.

A conversation, a tone, a familiar silence.

Things that seem small, but hit deep when your heart is still tender.

And I’ll be honest, I’ve had moments where I wondered if I’m really healing at all.

Because how do you explain crying over something you’ve already given to God, and already forgiven?

How do you tell people you’re moving forward when emotions still comes in waves?

What Healing Really Looks Like

I’m learning that healing isn’t just the absence of pain.

It’s the ability to feel it without it undoing me.

Healing isn’t always visible.

It doesn’t always feel victorious.

Sometimes healing looks like holding it together long enough to fall apart in God’s presence.

Sometimes it’s forgiving again.

Surrendering again.

Choosing peace again, even when your heart still feels sore.

Healing isn’t linear. It loops. It lingers. It surprises you.

But it also builds something deeper in you each time.

It’s being honest with God about the mess and letting Him hold you there.

Brokenness can be a doorway to wholeness, as it reveals a need for God’s grace.

In the tears that turn into prayer.

In the questions that push you closer instead of further away.

God Never Said It Would Be Easy

God never said this would be easy.

He said He would be near.

He uncovers before He restores.

He reveals before He rebuilds.

And this space I’m in right now, the in-between, the not-quite-there, is still part of His master plan.

So I remind myself:

Feeling pain doesn’t mean I’ve failed.

Struggling doesn’t mean I’ve gone backward.

Needing grace doesn’t disqualify me, it invites me closer to God.

This season is stretching me.

But it’s also grounding me.

Teaching me that healing isn’t about “getting over it.”

It’s about letting God into the places I can’t handle alone.

And even now, even here, I believe…

He’s doing something beautiful with the broken parts of me.

Because sometimes healing is subtle.

Sometimes it’s slow.

Sometimes it’s one shaky prayer, one deep breath, one brave “yes” at a time.

And even in the discomfort of this season, I know this much is true…

God is working.

Even when I can’t see it.

Even when I don’t feel whole.

Even when I don’t feel “better.”

Scriptures That Keep Me Grounded

— Psalm 147:3 – “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

(God’s ability to restore wholeness and bring comfort to those who are hurting, both physically and emotionally.)

— 2 Corinthians 4:16–18 – “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day…”

(Encourages Christians to focus on the unseen, eternal rewards promised by God, rather than getting discouraged by the temporary troubles of this life.)

— Romans 8:18 – “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

(This provides comfort and encouragement. A reminder that present hardships are temporary and will be overshadowed by eternal joy.)

A Prayer in the Middle of It All

God,

I don’t always understand why I still feel this way. Or understand the way You heal.

Why something I laid down shows up again in a different form.

But I trust that even in this, You’re near.

Teach me not to rush what You’re doing in me.

Give me the courage to sit with the hard parts.

Remind me that I’m not behind, I’m just becoming.

Be close to me in the places that still ache.

Because I know You’re not finished yet.

Not with this season.

Not with this story.

Not with me.

In Jesus name.

Amen.