And God’s Love covers a multitude of sins!
I know it’s been a minute since I’ve written anything. I didn’t even realize that it had been nearly a month since I last posted. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to… honestly, I became spiritually and emotionally exhausted. I was struggling and I didn’t know how to handle it. I’ve walked through some things in my life, but this time… I had no words to express how I was feeling.
It’s been one of those seasons that humbles you… the kind that brings everything to the surface. Convictions. Old wounds. Silent battles. Even the habits you thought you were done with.
And just when you think you’re getting a handle on things… regret, confusion and frustration start resurfacing. And you start to sink. It felt like nothing I was doing, was good enough.
“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”— Galatians 6:9
I definitely grew weary in my well doing… and for a while I slipped back into what felt familiar.
Because of how heavy and weighty I felt spiritually emotionally and mentally, I let my emotions hop back in the driver seat and I broke my vow of abstinence. And I haven’t fully come out of it. I’m struggling with it if I can be transparent and real.
And I’ve felt and still feel the weight of that.
For a while I tried avoiding God because everything in me wanted to make me believe that I couldn’t be redeemed.
Guilt and shame were too loud to ignore in my mind.
But I still felt God’s presence more tenderly than I expected.
Even though I was going through it internally, I never fully gave up.
There were moments I felt like I was barely hanging on mentally, emotionally, spiritually, but deep down, I was warring for my mind. My thoughts were loud, telling me my world was caving in, that everything was too much.
But I knew focusing on that would only sink me deeper. I had to shift my focus to God. Because I’ve studied His character. I know He doesn’t put more on me than I can bear. So if I was in it… it meant He allowed it.
That didn’t make it easy, but it did remind me that there was purpose in the pain. A lesson to be learned. And knowing who He is, that’s what kept me from falling apart.
And It’s wild how I can be feeling so low, wrestling with guilt and shame and at the same time… God is still being good to me. He’s still making a way. Still covering me. Still showing me favor in ways I know I didn’t earn.
I’ve cried.
I’ve asked for forgiveness.
I’ve questioned.
I’ve sat in silence.
And still… I’ve been kept.
It’s weird to hold all of that at once the struggle, the favor, the discipline, and the love. But that’s where I’ve been.
This season is stretching me.
And honestly? Some days it feels like I’m being broken and built at the same time.
I’ve been in places where I’ve asked God, “Are You still with me?”
And His answer came in small ways: through peace, through provision, through gentle conviction that didn’t condemn me but called me back.
The truth is…
I’ve been distant. But He hasn’t been.
He never stopped pursuing me, even when I wasn’t showing up consistently.
And that alone is enough to bring me to tears.
Let me say this loud for the people in the back…
My testimony is not just for me. Somebody is attached to what I’m walking through. Attached to my pain, My heartbreak, My struggle, My trauma, My forgiveness, My breakthrough, And even this unexpected favor that has shown up in the middle of it all.
So I can’t keep silent just because I haven’t “arrived.”
This is real-time healing and faith.
This is what healing while still walking it out looks like.
If you’re in a space where you feel like you’ve messed up too much, or you’re too behind to get it right again, hear me and hear me good… YOU ARE NOT TOO FAR GONE!
God isn’t finished. Philippians 1:6
Even when we slip, He doesn’t let go. Psalm 34:18
Even in the mess, He still sees purpose. Romans 8:28
So no, I don’t have it all figured out.
But I’m still held.
Still called.
Still chosen.
Still His.
And that… that’s grace.
Final Thought:
I’m learning not to count myself out just because I’m not done healing.
God’s still moving… even in my mess.
A Prayer for the One Who’s Barely Holding On
Lord, I need You.
Not in a casual way.
Not in a “sometimes” kind of way.
I need You like I need water. Like breath.
Because right now, I’m overwhelmed.
I feel empty.
I’m drowning in guilt.
Wrestling with shame.
And if I’m honest… sadness has been sitting heavy on my chest for a while now.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve messed up too many times.
Like maybe I’ve exhausted Your grace.
And I know You’re God and You already know everything I’m feeling, but still… I find myself shutting down.
Pulling back.
Hiding.
Part of me feels like You’re tired of me.
Like maybe You’ve given up on me.
And I hate feeling that way, but it’s real and it’s how I feel .
I don’t feel worthy of Your love.
Or any good thing from You.
But God, I don’t want to stay stuck here.
Help me not to cave in when those dark thoughts come.
Help me not to shut the world out or pretend I’m okay when I’m not.
Instead of turning inward, help me to turn to You.
Help me to remember who You are.
You’re not a God who shames.
You’re not holding a clipboard of all my failures.
You don’t stop loving me when I fall.
Your love… is steady.
Your grace… doesn’t run out.
So Lord, forgive me.
I’ve messed up.
And I probably will again.
But I want to do better.
I want to honor You with my life, even in the messy, broken parts.
Thank You for undeserved favor.
Thank You for not giving up on me.
Even when I feel like giving up on myself.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
A Rising Remnant 
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