A Rising Remnant

Author: Latoya Shalon

  • Obedience Before Consequences: Why we often wait for a wake-up call to surrender our desires to God and how to choose Him now.

    Obedience Before Consequences: Why we often wait for a wake-up call to surrender our desires to God and how to choose Him now.

    God Allows Us to Chase What We Want

    Romans 1 teaches that when we refuse to obey God, He won’t always stop us. Instead, He lets us run after our own desires, whether that’s lust, greed, or gluttony and face the consequences of those choices.

    This hits hard, because it shows that God doesn’t always immediately intervene to stop our sin. He lets us pursue what we think we want, even if it harms us, because we keep refusing to obey Him. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

    I received a call from my doctor telling me I’m pre-diabetic. The truth is, I wasn’t shocked. I knew this day could come. And I knew, all along, that my habits of overeating, ignoring discipline, feeding my flesh instead of my spirit… were risky. This wasn’t random. It was a consequence of my own actions.

    The Struggle of Obedience

    It’s not like I didn’t know better. I knew gluttony was sin. I knew ignoring self-control was disobedience. And yet, I still chose what was easy, what tasted good, what satisfied me in the moment… even though I knew it could hurt me in the long run.

    It’s sad, but obeying God alone wasn’t enough for me to change. It took hearing, “You could develop type 2 diabetes if you keep this up,” for me to finally want to make a change. I didn’t lack knowledge, I lacked the willingness to deny myself. Discipline is hard when you’ve never practiced it. And when things feel too hard, it’s easier to give in.

    1 Samuel 15:22 reminds us, “To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.” Knowledge or awareness is not the same as obedience. God values surrender more than sacrifice.

    We Reap What We Sow

    Galatians 6:7–8 hits even closer to home…

    “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.”

    Every choice we make is a seed. Every bite, every indulgence, every time we ignore discipline is sowing into the flesh. The consequence I’m facing now is the harvest of those seeds. But the good news? If we sow into the Spirit, practicing obedience, self-control, and discipline… we reap life, peace, and growth.

    Galatians 5:16–17 further explains the struggle…

    “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh.”

    This battle is real. I’ve been choosing the flesh over the Spirit for too long.

    Discipline is Hard, But Necessary

    Hebrews 12:11 reminds us…

    “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

    It’s painful to deny the flesh. It’s uncomfortable to put in the work to obey God before a consequence hits. But discipline, though hard, leads to life… spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

    A Call to Obedience

    The truth is, we humans tend to wait until something negative happens before we obey. We resist what grows us, we fight the very process that would make us better spouses, parents, neighbors, and followers of God.

    But God is patient. He disciplines those He loves (Hebrews 12:6). Jesus already made the ultimate sacrifice for us, so we don’t have to wait for pain or consequences to make a change. We can choose obedience today, not because we have to, but because He is worthy.

    So today, I’m choosing differently. I’m choosing to sow into the Spirit, to practice discipline, and to obey God even when it’s hard. The least I can do is obey Him who gave everything for me.

    Prayer

    Lord, forgive me for the times I have fed my own desires instead of walking in obedience. Help me to surrender my flesh and my cravings to You.

    Teach me self-control and discipline so that I may sow into the Spirit, not the flesh.

    Give me the strength to obey You, not out of fear, but because You are worthy of my love, my trust, and my obedience.

    Remind me that Your discipline is for my good, and guide me in the choices I make each day.

    In Jesus name, Amen.

  • Insecurity vs. God: Who Defines Me?

    Insecurity vs. God: Who Defines Me?

    The Question That Shifted Everything

    I’ve been realizing lately that insecurity is still one of the biggest stumbling blocks in my walk with Christ. It keeps me from fully stepping into who He has called me to be.

    I was journaling recently, and the question I asked myself was, “Why do I still struggle with worrying about what people think of me?”

    And I noticed a common theme that was coming up in my answers… I still care so much because I fear I’ll end up alone.

    When Circumstances Speak Louder Than Truth

    A lot of times, I make God seem small because I get hyper-focused on everything I don’t have but wish I did. That focus alone can leave me feeling everything but good. But here’s the truth: even though that little voice in my head wants me to believe my feelings define reality, I know God says otherwise.

    On the outside, it may look like lack, but I trust He’s working behind the scenes of my life, bringing all things together for my good (Romans 8:28). One day, He’ll get the glory, and I’ll be able to look back and say, “God was always working.”

    Friendship and Romance Are Connected

    What I’m starting to notice is that the same insecurities I feel in friendship are the very ones that show up when I think about romantic relationships. It’s connected.

    If I fear rejection in friendships, I’ll carry that same fear into dating or marriage. If I base my worth on whether people stay or go, I’ll end up performing for approval or walking on eggshells just to keep someone close… whether it’s a friend or a partner.

    Relationships as a Reflection of Christ

    I’m learning that my earthly relationships… platonic or romantic, should always reflect my relationship with Christ. How I give love, how I receive it, and even how I respond to disappointment or rejection are mirrors of what’s happening in my walk with Him.

    When my identity and worth are rooted in God, I can love freely without fear. I can set healthy boundaries without guilt. And I can trust that whether a friend drifts away or a partner disappoints me, I’m still fully known, fully loved, and fully secure in Christ.

    The closer I walk with Him, the healthier my relationships become. Not because people are perfect, but because His love is perfect, and it flows through me into every connection I have.

    Rooted in Christ Alone

    But here’s the shift I’m learning to make: my identity has to remain in Christ, not in who accepts or rejects me.

    Because if my worth is rooted in Him, then even if someone disappoints me, I don’t lose myself in the process.

    That’s the freedom God’s inviting me into. To abide in Him so deeply that whether it’s friendships or a future relationship, I can show up whole, secure, and loved, because I already know who I am in Him.

    Closing Thoughts

    Maybe that’s the bigger picture. The very lessons God is teaching me in friendship are preparing me for love, too.

    He’s showing me that rejection doesn’t define me, circumstances don’t limit me, and insecurity doesn’t have the final word.

    God does.

    And if I keep my eyes on Him, I won’t just survive relationships, I’ll thrive in them.

    Because I’ll finally understand that I’m already chosen, already loved, and already secure in the One who never leaves.

    A Prayer

    Lord, help me to see myself the way

    You see me, loved, chosen, and

    enough. Teach me to abide in You so

    fully that no fear of rejection or

    disappointment can shake me. Help

    me walk confidently in friendships

    and relationships, showing up as the

    whole, secure person You created me

    to be. Protect my heart, guide my

    steps, and remind me that Your love

    is my anchor in every season.

    In Jesus Name, Amen.

  • I used to say Philippians 4:13 for motivation… until God showed me what it truly means

    I used to say Philippians 4:13 for motivation… until God showed me what it truly means

    Misunderstood and Misused

    From the pulpit to the streets, Philippians 4:13, has been one of the many scriptures that have been  misinterpreted, misunderstood, and misused for years.

    “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

    That’s what it says, and most Christians, myself included, have used this scripture at one point or another to help give them motivation…

    “I can get that promotion, buy that house, or reach my goals through Christ who strengthens me.”

    But when Paul wrote it, he was in prison, enduring suffering. He wasn’t talking about doing whatever he wanted. It’s like he was praying:

    “Lord, even though this situation is hard, Your presence strengthens me. Even if I’m going through suffering right now, You have given me the strength to endure, because in my weakness, Your power is made strong.

    It’s a good thing for us to remember with Christ, we have the strength to endure every circumstance, whether abundance or lack, success or hardship.

    My Personal Awakening

    For me, it wasn’t so much a season of hardship that made me dig into this verse. It was when I finally surrendered my life to Christ and prayed, asking Him to give me knowledge of Scripture, understanding of what it truly meant, and the wisdom to apply it. And He did.

    As I began studying, things started to make sense. I started looking over my life and realized how many times I had used Philippians 4:13 for my own personal gain. I said it, or repeated it, because I’d heard people around me say it, out of habit, or as a way to make myself feel better. But nothing actually changed. It was like my eyes were finally open.

    That’s when I realized the verse wasn’t meant to be a motivational slogan, it was meant to remind us that God’s strength equips us to walk faithfully in His will, whether life feels easy or impossible.

    Walking in God’s Strength

    God will give us strength, but only if it aligns with His will for our lives. Anything that requires faith, He gives strength for, whether that’s:

    • Enduring trials and suffering

    • Resisting temptation

    • Obeying His Word

    • Forgiving others

    • Serving and loving others

    • Sharing the Gospel boldly

    • Standing firm in faith

    • Doing good works

    The Danger of Misusing Scripture

    But here’s the thing, misusing scripture is dangerous. It sets up false expectations. If someone, believes this verse means, “God will give me strength to succeed at whatever I want,” they may expect guaranteed wins, wealth, or breakthroughs in life. And When life doesn’t turn out that way, it can lead to disappointment with God and even loss of faith.

    I know because I’ve been there. And it wasn’t just this one scripture… it was a lifetime of misinterpretations of scriptures I’d heard over the years. The danger isn’t just quoting them wrong; it’s developing a view of God that isn’t biblical. That false view can leave people discouraged, disappointed, or even walking away from the faith when life gets hard.

    A Hopeful Perspective

    The good thing is, even when we’ve misunderstood, God doesn’t throw us away. He corrects us gently and opens our eyes to the truth.

    Philippians 4:13 may not promise we’ll get everything we want, but it promises something even better…  It means no matter what I face, whether I’m in a season of plenty or a season of lack… Christ is right there giving me the strength to keep going.

    My Takeaway

    Instead of using this verse like a motivational quote, I can hold onto it as a promise… God’s presence will carry me through whatever comes. And when my faith is built on that, it’s not so easily shaken when life doesn’t go my way.

  • When Scripture Begins to Take Root in Your Heart and No Longer Are Just Words on a Page

    When Scripture Begins to Take Root in Your Heart and No Longer Are Just Words on a Page

    Someone once told me, “It’s impossible to read God’s Word and it not change your heart.” That stuck with me, because it’s so true.

    Curiosity That Led To Change

    When I finally began taking my relationship with the Lord seriously, something inside me shifted. It stirred up a hunger, a curiosity, a deep desire to know Him. I wanted to understand who Jesus really was.

    Why should I listen to what He had to say? What was so important about the words written on these pages? Could they actually help me?

    And what I found… changed everything.

    It changed who I thought I was.

    It changed the way I spoke and responded to people.

    It changed how I handled situations.

    It changed the way I treated others and even the way I treated myself.

    It changed the way I gave and received love.

    It completely changed the way I saw the world.

    Nothing Hidden

    And to be clear, I didn’t stumble on some secret code hidden in Scripture. I was just open. Whatever the Lord wanted me to have, I opened my heart to receive it. And He met me there… giving me wisdom, knowledge, and understanding.

    For the first time, those words on the page made sense. The more I read, the more I wanted to spend time with Him. It felt like I was reading His personal journal… and he wanted me to find it and read it. One He had written with me in mind. Nothing was new, but it felt brand new to me.

    His Word Changes You

    And as I read, I felt everything: sadness, joy, anger, confusion, gratitude, awe, even speechlessness at times. I began to see the Lord differently, not in a bad way, but in a way that filled me with reverence, love, and honor. It was a feeling that I didn’t know I could experience. A feeling I didn’t know I needed.

    His Word began healing wounds I didn’t even know were still open. It brought clarity to old pain and new struggles. It was like being lifted onto a cloud, and I never wanted to come down.

    That’s what the Word of Jesus Christ does when you let it take root in your heart.

    I never knew how deeply He loved me. I never grasped how sacrificial His love really was. He wants me walking in freedom and healing. He values me. He sees beyond my flaws and brokenness. He doesn’t desire my suffering, but longs for good things for me.

    His Word Builds Us Up

    And when I allowed His Word to speak directly to my heart, it began to take root. My desires changed. Conviction became real. I stopped being selfish, and living only to satisfy my flesh. I started to see my sin for what it was and, for the first time, care about how it made the Lord feel.

    Colossians 2:6–7 says:

    “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”

    That’s exactly what happened. When I prayed for wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, He gave it to me. And as He did, my reverence for Him deepened, and my faith began to grow. Even though my foundation was shaky, He built on it… because nothing is too hard for God.

    We Are Forgiven

    And another part of that chapter in Colossians that really stands out for me is verse 14:

    “Jesus canceled the record of debt that stood against us… nailing it to the cross.”

    That means I am forgiven. Every mistake. Every failure. Every sin. All of it… written down as a debt I could never repay… was nailed to the cross. And now it’s gone. Forever. Because Jesus defeated death.

    A Moment Of Reflection And Call To Action

    Looking back, I’m so grateful that I opened my heart and let God’s Word take root in me. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been life-changing in the best ways. If He could meet me in my mess, heal my wounds, and reshape my heart, then I know He can do the same for you.

    My prayer is that you won’t just read the Bible as words on a page, but that you’ll encounter Jesus in a way that changes everything. Because once His love takes root in your heart, transform begins and nothing stays the same.

    My Prayer You 🙏🏾

    Lord,

    I struggle to understand Your word,

    and sometimes it feels impossible to ever get it right.

    But I come humbly before You,

    asking for Your wisdom and

    understanding.

    Remind me that I am complete in You.

    Let the truth of Your Word take root

    deep in my heart, so that I can walk in victory and not defeat.

    Because of Your sacrifice, I can walk free from guilt because it was nailed to the Cross.

    In Jesus name, Amen! 💛

  • When God Breathes Life Into Your Dry Bones

    When God Breathes Life Into Your Dry Bones

    When God Speaks to the Dry Bones

    Today, I want to share something that really touched me deeply. A powerful WOG and my church member, who has her own ministry, sends out weekly devotionals. This morning, her devotional was on Ezekiel 37, the story of the valley of dry bones.

    I had never actually read the full passage before, so I opened my Bible and read it for myself. As I did, I couldn’t help but imagine God speaking those very words directly to me. And honestly? It wrecked me in the best way.

    The Valley of Dry Bones in My Life

    Ezekiel 37 paints such a powerful picture. God takes Ezekiel into a valley full of bones… lifeless, scattered, and hopeless. Then He asks, “Son of man, can these bones live?” Ezekiel responds, “Lord, only You know.”

    God then commands Ezekiel to prophesy over those bones… to speak life into what looks dead. And as he obeys, the bones come together, flesh forms, breath enters, and an army rises.

    Reading this, I felt like God was saying to me: “Latoya, speak life into the areas you thought were over. Don’t you see that I can restore and breathe new purpose into what you thought was finished?”

    Living Proof That God Restores

    Many of you know that for years, I carried around the belief that I was disqualified from a lot of things, including my dreams. I thought my mistakes, my struggles, and my past choices meant that certain parts of my future were gone.

    But when I truly surrendered my life to God at the end of last year, He began a pruning and preparation process. Little by little, He showed me that some of the dreams I once buried weren’t dead after all… they were just waiting for His breath to revive them.

    One of those dreams was writing. I’ve always wanted to start a blog. I even tried twice years ago, but never followed through. But back in April, I finally launched this space.

    I began to share my testimony. It wasn’t by my own strength, because left up to me, I would never do it. I was only able to share with boldness because of the Holy Spirit.

    One scripture that became real to me was Revelation 12:11, which says, “They overcome him (the devil) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.” That verse simply means that we overcome the enemy not by our own strength, but because of what Jesus did for us on the cross (“the blood of the Lamb”) and by boldly sharing what God has done in our lives (“the word of our testimony”).

    That verse gave me the courage to step out of hiding and share my story. My testimony… the real, raw, sometimes messy parts of my life…became the very thing God was using to set me free and to encourage others.

    A New Chapter (Literally)

    What I didn’t expect is that God would use this blog to open a brand-new door for me. Someone saw the gift God has placed in me and invited me into an opportunity I never thought I’d have: to become a first-time author. It’s true. God will make room for your gifts and your name will go before you.

    This is something I’ve dreamed of for years, but thought wasn’t possible anymore. But here I am, living in the middle of what once felt like a “valley of dry bones.”

    I share this today not to boast, but to testify: when you give God your yes, He will breathe new life into your dreams.

    Your Dry Bones Aren’t Dead

    Maybe you feel like there are “dry bones” in your life… areas you’ve given up on, promises you think are too far gone, dreams you’ve buried.

    Can I encourage you? The same God who brought bones to life in Ezekiel’s vision can restore what feels dead in your world too. All He asks is that you trust Him and speak His Word over your situation.

    If He did it for me, He can do it for you.

    Final Thought:

    God is waiting on you. Your story is not over yet, because He is still writing it. What looks impossible to you is possible with Him. Don’t bury what God is still able to breathe on.

    A Prayer for Life in Dry Bones

    Heavenly Father,

    I come to You today with areas of my life that feel dead, hopeless, or forgotten. Lord, breathe Your Spirit into every dry place. Revive my dreams, restore my hope, and give me strength where I feel weak.

    Help me to trust that You have placed me here for a purpose. Teach me to speak life over myself, my circumstances, and my dreams, knowing that with You, nothing is impossible.

    Holy Spirit, fill me with boldness, courage, and faith to step into the calling You have for me. Remind me that even in the valley, You are with me, and what feels lifeless can rise again because of You.

    Thank You, Lord, for breathing life into me, for choosing me, and for giving me hope when all seems lost. I receive Your life today, and I declare that nothing can stop Your plans for me.

    In Jesus’ name, Amen. 💛

  • What If the Thing You’re Praying For Showed Up Tomorrow?

    What If the Thing You’re Praying For Showed Up Tomorrow?

    A story about passivity, pain, and preparing for the very thing you say you want

    Let’s be real—waiting is not easy.

    Whether you’re waiting on healing, a relationship, a promise God gave you, or just some peace in the middle of the chaos… it can feel like you’re sitting in the middle of a silent storm, wondering if anything is actually shifting behind the scenes.

    When Waiting Starts to Feel Like Doing Nothing

    For a long time, I thought waiting meant doing nothing. Just sitting still, praying, and hoping something would change. And don’t get me wrong—sometimes, being still is obedience. But other times, we confuse stillness with passivity. We confuse rest with procrastination. We confuse patience with avoidance.

    And then we wonder why the promise still feels so far away.

    The Question That Shifted Everything

    At some point, I had to ask myself a hard question:

    “If the thing I’m waiting for showed up tomorrow… would I actually be ready for it?”

    The honest answer?

    No.

    Not mentally. Not emotionally. Not spiritually.

    I was asking for blessings I hadn’t even made room for.

    And that’s when I started to understand:

    That waiting is preparation.

    That waiting is where you become.

    I Thought I Was Trusting God… But I Was Just Passive

    But the truth is… I didn’t always see it that way.

    I used to expect God to do it all for me, just because I was hurting. But I had to learn, God will heal you, but He won’t baby your passivity. He’s not just the God of comfort. He’s also the God of callings. And callings require action.

    Passivity is bottling up emotions and pretending you’re fine when you really have questions, but instead you just go with the flow in hope of things getting better.

    For years, I thought I was waiting on God when I was really just being passive.

    I told myself I was trusting Him. I repeated all the right things: “God’s timing is perfect.” “He’ll come through.” But deep down, I wasn’t preparing for anything. I was sitting in fear, hoping something would just fall into place.

    If I’m being completely honest, I wasn’t moving. I wasn’t healing. I wasn’t growing. I was just stuck—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

    How Passivity Affected My Faith

    And that passivity didn’t just slow down the things I was praying for… it strained my relationship with God too.

    I started to confuse His silence with rejection.

    I started assuming that maybe I wasn’t good enough, spiritual enough, or ready enough to be chosen.

    But what I’ve come to realize is… it wasn’t about worth.

    I simply wasn’t positioned.

    I wanted blessings I hadn’t made room for.

    I wanted breakthrough without breaking the cycles.

    I wanted to receive without being refined.

    It took me a while to see that sometimes we don’t need “more faith.”

    We need movement.

    We need obedience.

    We need to stop calling fear “patience.”

    Where the Passivity Came From

    But here’s what I had to dig into…

    This passive behavior didn’t come out of nowhere.

    It was formed in me. Layer by layer, experience by experience.

    Growing up, failure didn’t feel like something you learn from, it felt like punishment.

    So I learned early: Don’t try if you’re not sure. Don’t speak if it might stir something up. Don’t move unless you’re guaranteed a win. It felt safer to sit still than to risk being wrong.

    When Silence Becomes a Way of Life

    And honestly, I got used to not having a voice.

    Sometimes it was implied. Other times, I was just too scared to say what I really felt.

    So I stayed silent. I shrunk. I avoided. I waited.

    And over time, that waiting turned into hiding.

    Small Moments Can Make A Big Impact

    I’ll never forget this one moment in high school… I was on the basketball team. I wasn’t the best, but I kept showing up. One day, coach finally put me in a game.

    I was nervous. I wasn’t great at remembering the drills, and it showed. I messed up. Bad.

    The ball came my way and I dribbled it so hard and awkward that the other team snatched it. It felt like the gym turned against me. Coach pulled me right out of the game.

    I was so embarrassed, I just wanted to disappear.

    I never played again.

    I’ve laughed about that moment since, but if I’m honest…

    That one moment became a seed.

    It told me: “If you’re not already good at something, don’t even bother.”

    And I carried that into so many areas of my life… including my walk with God.

    What I Wasn’t Taught About Faith

    I wasn’t taught to wrestle with Him. I wasn’t taught that faith could include frustration or that questions could lead to deeper trust.

    I was taught to say “trust God” even when it didn’t look like it was working.

    I watched people declare promises over and over in church that never came and then watching them die with those promises still unfulfilled.

    That kind of disappointment stays with you.

    So I started believing that maybe… waiting was just spiritual language for nothing happening.

    Where the Passivity Really Came From

    The passivity didn’t come from laziness.

    It came from pain.

    From disappointment.

    From fearing that if I moved, I’d mess something up.

    From seeing people hope hard… and still be let down.

    But God… He’s Still Forming Me

    But here’s the part I hold on to now:

    God can un-form what fear formed.

    Passivity may have robbed me of time, but it hasn’t robbed me of purpose.

    God is still calling me. And this time, I’m not sitting still.

    Not because I have it all figured out, but because I know He does.

    What Preparation Really Looks Like

    Now, I’m learning that waiting doesn’t mean shrinking.

    Waiting doesn’t mean hiding.

    Waiting means preparing… actively, intentionally, faithfully.

    Sometimes preparation looks like therapy.

    Sometimes it’s forgiving people who didn’t ask for forgiveness and never said sorry.

    Sometimes it’s organizing your life, cleaning your space, taking care of your health, or building something God told you to build.

    Sometimes it’s just learning to rest and trust without checking the clock every five minutes.

    I’m Still in the Thick of It

    I’m still in the thick of it.

    Still learning.

    Still surrendering.

    Still untangling old beliefs and unhealthy mindsets.

    But I see now that God’s delays aren’t always denials, they’re divine developments.

    So Let Me Ask You What I Asked Myself…

    So if you’re in a season that feels quiet and like you’re in the-in-between, ask yourself the same question I had to face:

    If what you’re praying for showed up tomorrow… would you be ready for it?

    And if not, don’t shame yourself.

    Just start preparing.

    Not from a place of desperation or pressure.

    But from a place of hope.

    Because when the door opens, I want to walk through it whole

    not broken,

    not frantic,

    not faking it…

    but ready.

  • Torn Between Two Loves: Sin and Savior

    Torn Between Two Loves: Sin and Savior

    My honest wrestle with sin and spiritual loyalty

    The Conflict of Two Loves

    As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve been unfaithful to my Savior. More often than I care to admit.

    It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t love Him, because I do. Because of Jesus, I’ve been able to experience a real and personal relationship with God. A love that reminds me I’m seen, chosen, and deeply known.

    The kind of love that covers shame, quiets fear, and heals places I didn’t even know were bleeding.

    It’s beautiful, but it also comes with a cost. A cost that requires me to crucify my flesh daily and walk away from what once comforted me. Because on the other side of that beauty is real darkness. A devil that hates the love God has for His children. And because he hates it, he attacks it.

    He feeds the sinful nature inside all of us, the part that craves gratification, attention, escape. The part that wants what it wants right now. And if you’re not watchful, if you slip, if you’re tired or vulnerable, it creeps in. Quietly. Quickly. Convincingly.

    It’ll sound like:

    “Just this once.”

    “God will forgive you.”

    “No one has to know.”

    But that’s the trick. The enemy’s only real power is deception. And deception, when believed, leads to disobedience.

    The Allure of Sin

    Sin doesn’t always show up looking like a red flag. Sometimes it shows up dressed in comfort, in old habits, in desires that whisper, “This will make you feel better.” It doesn’t come as a threat, it comes as a relief. A temporary escape. A numbing agent.

    For me, sin often comes when I’m tired. Weary. Waiting on God and wondering if He hears me. And before I know it, I find myself entertaining thoughts, habits, or even people that I’ve already told God I was done with. I’ve cried real tears over wanting to be better… wanting to honor God with my body, with my choices, with my loyalty, but then I find myself going back to what I know leads me further from Him.

    Sin is patient. It waits until the moment you’re spiritually dry, emotionally vulnerable, or just hungry for affection, attention, or control. And when it finds an opening, it doesn’t ask permission. It slides in like an old lover who knows just what to say.

    And the worst part? Sometimes I say yes.

    The Rationalization and Rebellion

    “I’ll repent later.”

    “I’ve already done it before, what’s one more time?”

    “I’m human.”

    I’ve used every excuse in the book to justify going back to things I know break God’s heart and mine too, honestly. It’s not just rebellion… it’s self-betrayal. Because every time I choose sin, I betray the healed, whole, obedient version of me that I’ve been praying to become.

    And yet… God doesn’t stop loving me.

    That’s what makes this so complex.

    The same love that should anchor me… sometimes becomes the thing I take for granted.

    The Hidden Cost

    Sin doesn’t send an invoice right away. It waits.

    At first, everything feels good, even freeing. But later… comes the shame. The distance. The confusion. The heavy silence in prayer. The feeling that I can’t look Jesus in the eyes, not because He turned away from me, but because I’m hiding, like Adam and Eve in the garden.

    Sin has cost me clarity, peace, spiritual confidence, and time. It’s made me question whether I’ll ever really change. Whether I’m capable of true commitment to Christ. It’s made me feel like a fraud even while leading or encouraging others.

    But grace won’t stop chasing me.

    The Turning Point

    There’s no single dramatic moment I can point to where everything shifted. For me, it’s been a series of quiet convictions. The kind of conviction that doesn’t shame me, but gently pulls me back to the feet of Jesus. The Holy Spirit doesn’t yell, He whispers.

    Sometimes, the turning point looks like me deleting a number. Saying “no” when my body wants to say “yes.” Being honest in prayer and saying, “God, I still want this… help me not to.”

    And sometimes, the turning point is just getting back up after I fall.

    Coming Back Home

    I’ve learned that repentance isn’t about perfection. It’s about posture.

    God isn’t asking for flawless behavior, He’s asking for a loyal heart.

    And loyalty looks like showing up, even after I’ve messed up.

    It looks like surrendering again and again.

    It looks like trusting that Jesus already paid for my failures, and I don’t have to keep paying for them with shame.

    Every time I return to Him, I find open arms.

    Not punishment. Not distance.

    But grace. Healing. Renewal.

    And somehow… He still calls me His.

    Final Reflection: Torn, But Choosing Love

    I don’t write this from a place of having arrived, I’m still on the journey. I still get tempted. I still feel weak sometimes. But I’m learning how to fight differently. I’m learning how to recognize the lie before I agree with it. I’m learning how to choose God, not just because He loves me, but because I love Him back.

    And that love? It’s worth protecting.

    If you’re struggling like me, torn between what you know is right and what your flesh still craves, you’re not alone. And you’re not too far gone.

    God sees your heart. He sees the effort. The tears. The wrestling.

    Keep coming back to Him.

    Every time you do, He’ll still be there… arms open, heart ready, grace fully available.

    Reflection Question:

    Do I love God enough to walk away from what keeps separating me from Him?

    Prayer

    Lord, I don’t want to keep choosing what pulls me away from You.

    Give me the strength to walk away from what feels good, but harms my soul.

    Remind me of Your love when I feel weak and help me to love You more than I love my comfort, my habits, or my desires.

    Don’t allow me to have peace with the things that try to keep me separate from you.

    Thank You for never giving up on me, even when I’ve wandered.

    Today, I choose You again.

    Amen.

  • God, Don’t Let Me Have Peace with Crumbs:

    God, Don’t Let Me Have Peace with Crumbs:

    The Honest Truth About What I’ve Settled For

    ⸻

    There’s a part of me that wants to feel sure.

    Sure that I’m ready.

    Sure that this connection is aligned.

    Sure that I can trust what I feel.

    But lately, I’ve been in a quiet wrestle.

    One I finally have the words for… even if they still tremble coming out.

    I often pray…

    “God, don’t let me have peace about this if it’s not Your will.”

    He’s done just that!

    Because peace is what I want, but not the kind I create on my own by ignoring red flags or rushing past His whisper.

    ⸻

    The Wrestle Between Wanting and Waiting

    I’ve grown. I’m not who I was.

    I’m more aware, more grounded, more honest.

    But even with all that growth, I still find myself asking;

    Am I truly ready, or just tired of waiting?

    Is this real, or just familiar comfort in a new form?

    I don’t want to make decisions from desire alone.

    But sometimes, desire is loud.

    Sometimes I start to fantasize about potential before I’ve fully discerned presence.

    Sometimes, honesty feels risky, especially when I’m not even sure where I land with what I feel yet.

    ⸻

    This Time, I’m Trying to Listen Sooner

    I can’t say I always catch it in the beginning.

    Sometimes I still want to believe the best so badly that I hesitate to ask the hard questions.

    But I’m trying… slowly, intentionally, and honestly… to listen sooner.

    To lean in when the Holy Spirit nudges.

    To not dismiss that tight feeling in my chest.

    To not call something peace if I had to bury my voice to get it.

    Because I’ve been there often.

    I’ve ignored the signs.

    I’ve made the red flags not appear so bad.

    I’ve mistaken comfort and chemistry for confirmation.

    And the aftermath?

    It wasn’t just heartbreak.

    It was a deep, soul-wearing unrest I had to cry and claw my way out of.

    So now, even though I’m still learning…

    Even though some days I’m shaky with it…

    I find myself praying…

    “God, don’t let me settle into a false peace.”

    Don’t let me get comfortable in something You never called me to.

    Help me feel it early even if it hurts.

    Even if it costs me company.

    Even if I don’t fully understand it yet.”

    ⸻

    I’m Still Learning to Trust My Clarity

    I’m not always confident.

    Sometimes I question whether what I’m sensing is discernment or fear.

    Sometimes I wonder if I’m just scared to hope again.

    But even in that… I’m showing up more honestly than I ever have.

    I’m not trying to be guarded.

    I’m not trying to push people away.

    I’m trying to stay faithful to what I’ve prayed for.

    And that means I can’t pretend I don’t notice what I notice.

    I’m tired of performing healed-ness just to make other people comfortable.

    I want to be able to say, “this doesn’t feel right,” without feeling dramatic.

    I want to be seen clearly…. not as complicated, but as careful.

    I want my heart to be seen and not misunderstood.

    Because even though I’m still learning to trust my clarity…

    I know what it feels like to silence it.

    And I never want to go back there again.

    ⸻

    When I Stopped Believing I Deserved More

    I’ve been asking myself hard questions lately.

    Like, why do I even entertain what I know I shouldn’t?

    Why do I feel this tension between what I know is true… and what I still find myself drawn to?

    And the honest answer I’ve had to face is this:

    Somewhere along the way, I stopped believing I would actually get what I longed for.

    I stopped believing that someone would see me and choose me. Choose me with intention, with pursuit and with consistency.

    I started to believe that what I desired was asking for too much.

    And because I started believing it, I stopped expecting it.

    So instead of waiting on something real, I settled for almost.

    I settled for “maybe one day.”

    I accepted crumbs and sometimes not even the crumbs, just the dust from where crumbs used to be.

    And I convinced myself it was enough, hoping that if I just gave it time, they’d eventually become what I needed.

    But here’s the truth…

    I knew. I just made a choice. 

    Even in the early days… I knew.

    I could feel it wasn’t right.

    I felt the nudges.

    I felt the pullback in my spirit.

    I knew when I should’ve left, should’ve slowed down, should’ve asked harder questions.

    But I didn’t.

    Instead, I stayed.

    I leaned in when I should’ve pulled back.

    I accepted the sprinkle of crumb dust and ignored the Holy Spirit’s nudge, over and over and over again…

    Until it no longer even affected me.

    And when you get to the place where the wrong thing starts to feel normal, that’s when you know belief has been broken somewhere deep.

    Because when you stop believing that real love is possible for you…

    You stop protecting your heart like it’s worth something sacred.

    You start handing out access hoping to be chosen… when God already called you chosen before anyone ever had the chance to prove it.

    ⸻

    I’m Not Asking for Too Much, Just the Right Match

    So if I need to pause… even awkwardly,

    If I need to step back and take a breath,

    If I need to re-evaluate the access someone has to my time or my heart…

    I’ll do that.

    Not because I have it all figured out.

    But because I’m trying to obey… while I’m still becoming.

    I don’t always get it perfect.

    But I don’t want to ignore conviction just to avoid being alone.

    This isn’t about fear.

    It’s about discernment.

    It’s about staying rooted in the healing that God has started in me, even if it hasn’t fully bloomed yet.

    Because I’ve realized:

    Clarity may not always feel comfortable, but it is kind.

    And so is God.

    ⸻

    To the Woman in the Middle of the Wait

    If you’re here too, wrestling with what to feel, how to move, what to say…

    You’re not alone.

    And your confusion isn’t a sign that you’re broken.

    It’s a sign that you care.

    Be honest.

    Be prayerful.

    Be still if you need to.

    And ask boldly…

    “God, if this isn’t Your will… don’t let me have peace about it.”

    Let His “no” interrupt what your flesh wants to protect.

    Let His silence speak louder than your emotions.

    Let His peace be your compass… not your escape.

    Because what’s meant for you will never ask you to betray the healed version of you to keep it.

  • Grace in the Middle of the Mess: When Conviction, Struggle & Favor Collide

    Grace in the Middle of the Mess: When Conviction, Struggle & Favor Collide

    And God’s Love covers a multitude of sins!

    I know it’s been a minute since I’ve written anything. I didn’t even realize that it had been nearly a month since I last posted. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to… honestly, I became spiritually and emotionally exhausted. I was struggling and I didn’t know how to handle it. I’ve walked through some things in my life, but this time… I had no words to express how I was feeling.

    It’s been one of those seasons that humbles you… the kind that brings everything to the surface. Convictions. Old wounds. Silent battles. Even the habits you thought you were done with.

    And just when you think you’re getting a handle on things… regret, confusion and frustration start resurfacing. And you start to sink. It felt like nothing I was doing, was good enough.

    “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”— Galatians 6:9

    I definitely grew weary in my well doing… and for a while I slipped back into what felt familiar.

    Because of how heavy and weighty I felt spiritually emotionally and mentally, I let my emotions hop back in the driver seat and I broke my vow of abstinence. And I haven’t fully come out of it. I’m struggling with it if I can be transparent and real.

    And I’ve felt and still feel the weight of that.

    For a while I tried avoiding God because everything in me wanted to make me believe that I couldn’t be redeemed.

    Guilt and shame were too loud to ignore in my mind.

    But I still felt God’s presence more tenderly than I expected.

    Even though I was going through it internally, I never fully gave up.

    There were moments I felt like I was barely hanging on mentally, emotionally, spiritually, but deep down, I was warring for my mind. My thoughts were loud, telling me my world was caving in, that everything was too much.

    But I knew focusing on that would only sink me deeper. I had to shift my focus to God. Because I’ve studied His character. I know He doesn’t put more on me than I can bear. So if I was in it… it meant He allowed it.

    That didn’t make it easy, but it did remind me that there was purpose in the pain. A lesson to be learned. And knowing who He is, that’s what kept me from falling apart.

    And It’s wild how I can be feeling so low, wrestling with guilt and shame and at the same time… God is still being good to me. He’s still making a way. Still covering me. Still showing me favor in ways I know I didn’t earn.

    I’ve cried.

    I’ve asked for forgiveness.

    I’ve questioned.

    I’ve sat in silence.

    And still… I’ve been kept.

    It’s weird to hold all of that at once the struggle, the favor, the discipline, and the love. But that’s where I’ve been.

    This season is stretching me.

    And honestly? Some days it feels like I’m being broken and built at the same time.

    I’ve been in places where I’ve asked God, “Are You still with me?”

    And His answer came in small ways: through peace, through provision, through gentle conviction that didn’t condemn me but called me back.

    The truth is…

    I’ve been distant. But He hasn’t been.

    He never stopped pursuing me, even when I wasn’t showing up consistently.

    And that alone is enough to bring me to tears.

    Let me say this loud for the people in the back…

    My testimony is not just for me. Somebody is attached to what I’m walking through. Attached to my pain, My heartbreak, My struggle, My trauma, My forgiveness, My breakthrough, And even this unexpected favor that has shown up in the middle of it all.

    So I can’t keep silent just because I haven’t “arrived.”

    This is real-time healing and faith.

    This is what healing while still walking it out looks like.

    If you’re in a space where you feel like you’ve messed up too much, or you’re too behind to get it right again, hear me and hear me good… YOU ARE NOT TOO FAR GONE!

    God isn’t finished. Philippians 1:6

    Even when we slip, He doesn’t let go. Psalm 34:18

    Even in the mess, He still sees purpose. Romans 8:28

    So no, I don’t have it all figured out.

    But I’m still held.

    Still called.

    Still chosen.

    Still His.

    And that… that’s grace.

    Final Thought:

    I’m learning not to count myself out just because I’m not done healing.

    God’s still moving… even in my mess.

    A Prayer for the One Who’s Barely Holding On

    Lord, I need You.

    Not in a casual way.

    Not in a “sometimes” kind of way.

    I need You like I need water. Like breath.

    Because right now, I’m overwhelmed.

    I feel empty.

    I’m drowning in guilt.

    Wrestling with shame.

    And if I’m honest… sadness has been sitting heavy on my chest for a while now.

    Sometimes I wonder if I’ve messed up too many times.

    Like maybe I’ve exhausted Your grace.

    And I know You’re God and You already know everything I’m feeling, but still… I find myself shutting down.

    Pulling back.

    Hiding.

    Part of me feels like You’re tired of me.

    Like maybe You’ve given up on me.

    And I hate feeling that way, but it’s real and it’s how I feel .

    I don’t feel worthy of Your love.

    Or any good thing from You.

    But God, I don’t want to stay stuck here.

    Help me not to cave in when those dark thoughts come.

    Help me not to shut the world out or pretend I’m okay when I’m not.

    Instead of turning inward, help me to turn to You.

    Help me to remember who You are.

    You’re not a God who shames.

    You’re not holding a clipboard of all my failures.

    You don’t stop loving me when I fall.

    Your love… is steady.

    Your grace… doesn’t run out.

    So Lord, forgive me.

    I’ve messed up.

    And I probably will again.

    But I want to do better.

    I want to honor You with my life, even in the messy, broken parts.

    Thank You for undeserved favor.

    Thank You for not giving up on me.

    Even when I feel like giving up on myself.

    In Jesus’ name,

    Amen.

  • A letter to the tired heart!♥️ 

    To the tired heart…

    I love you.

    God loves you.

    And you were never meant to carry that weight alone.

    The weight of your trauma. 

    The weight of heartbreak. 

    The weight of rejection. 

    The weight of grief. 

    The weight of fear. 

    The weight of pain. 

    The weight of loss. 

    The weight of suffering. 

    The weight of life.

    I know you’re tired, but keep hold on just a little while longer. 

    It’s okay to release the tears now, you don’t have to keep holding everything in.

    I know it hurts, but it’s okay to feel the pain.

    That’s how healing begins… by exposing the wound.

    It’s okay if you’re still struggling to get through the hurt. It doesn’t last forever.

    It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers.

    Guess what? No one does.

    It’s okay to be present in the moment. It’s time to start living and not just existing. 

    It’s okay to take a moment and rest…

    To catch your breath.

    You don’t have to carry it alone anymore.

    You are seen.

    You are safe.

    And you are not alone.

    Healing is possible.

    Healing is for you.

    And healing wants to meet you…

    Right where you are.

    Final Thoughts…

    Sometimes we just need a reminder that we are not alone, I know I do.