A Rising Remnant

Tag: spiritual struggle

  • Insecurity vs. God: Who Defines Me?

    Insecurity vs. God: Who Defines Me?

    The Question That Shifted Everything

    I’ve been realizing lately that insecurity is still one of the biggest stumbling blocks in my walk with Christ. It keeps me from fully stepping into who He has called me to be.

    I was journaling recently, and the question I asked myself was, “Why do I still struggle with worrying about what people think of me?”

    And I noticed a common theme that was coming up in my answers… I still care so much because I fear I’ll end up alone.

    When Circumstances Speak Louder Than Truth

    A lot of times, I make God seem small because I get hyper-focused on everything I don’t have but wish I did. That focus alone can leave me feeling everything but good. But here’s the truth: even though that little voice in my head wants me to believe my feelings define reality, I know God says otherwise.

    On the outside, it may look like lack, but I trust He’s working behind the scenes of my life, bringing all things together for my good (Romans 8:28). One day, He’ll get the glory, and I’ll be able to look back and say, “God was always working.”

    Friendship and Romance Are Connected

    What I’m starting to notice is that the same insecurities I feel in friendship are the very ones that show up when I think about romantic relationships. It’s connected.

    If I fear rejection in friendships, I’ll carry that same fear into dating or marriage. If I base my worth on whether people stay or go, I’ll end up performing for approval or walking on eggshells just to keep someone close… whether it’s a friend or a partner.

    Relationships as a Reflection of Christ

    I’m learning that my earthly relationships… platonic or romantic, should always reflect my relationship with Christ. How I give love, how I receive it, and even how I respond to disappointment or rejection are mirrors of what’s happening in my walk with Him.

    When my identity and worth are rooted in God, I can love freely without fear. I can set healthy boundaries without guilt. And I can trust that whether a friend drifts away or a partner disappoints me, I’m still fully known, fully loved, and fully secure in Christ.

    The closer I walk with Him, the healthier my relationships become. Not because people are perfect, but because His love is perfect, and it flows through me into every connection I have.

    Rooted in Christ Alone

    But here’s the shift I’m learning to make: my identity has to remain in Christ, not in who accepts or rejects me.

    Because if my worth is rooted in Him, then even if someone disappoints me, I don’t lose myself in the process.

    That’s the freedom God’s inviting me into. To abide in Him so deeply that whether it’s friendships or a future relationship, I can show up whole, secure, and loved, because I already know who I am in Him.

    Closing Thoughts

    Maybe that’s the bigger picture. The very lessons God is teaching me in friendship are preparing me for love, too.

    He’s showing me that rejection doesn’t define me, circumstances don’t limit me, and insecurity doesn’t have the final word.

    God does.

    And if I keep my eyes on Him, I won’t just survive relationships, I’ll thrive in them.

    Because I’ll finally understand that I’m already chosen, already loved, and already secure in the One who never leaves.

    A Prayer

    Lord, help me to see myself the way

    You see me, loved, chosen, and

    enough. Teach me to abide in You so

    fully that no fear of rejection or

    disappointment can shake me. Help

    me walk confidently in friendships

    and relationships, showing up as the

    whole, secure person You created me

    to be. Protect my heart, guide my

    steps, and remind me that Your love

    is my anchor in every season.

    In Jesus Name, Amen.

  • I used to say Philippians 4:13 for motivation… until God showed me what it truly means

    I used to say Philippians 4:13 for motivation… until God showed me what it truly means

    Misunderstood and Misused

    From the pulpit to the streets, Philippians 4:13, has been one of the many scriptures that have been  misinterpreted, misunderstood, and misused for years.

    “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

    That’s what it says, and most Christians, myself included, have used this scripture at one point or another to help give them motivation…

    “I can get that promotion, buy that house, or reach my goals through Christ who strengthens me.”

    But when Paul wrote it, he was in prison, enduring suffering. He wasn’t talking about doing whatever he wanted. It’s like he was praying:

    “Lord, even though this situation is hard, Your presence strengthens me. Even if I’m going through suffering right now, You have given me the strength to endure, because in my weakness, Your power is made strong.

    It’s a good thing for us to remember with Christ, we have the strength to endure every circumstance, whether abundance or lack, success or hardship.

    My Personal Awakening

    For me, it wasn’t so much a season of hardship that made me dig into this verse. It was when I finally surrendered my life to Christ and prayed, asking Him to give me knowledge of Scripture, understanding of what it truly meant, and the wisdom to apply it. And He did.

    As I began studying, things started to make sense. I started looking over my life and realized how many times I had used Philippians 4:13 for my own personal gain. I said it, or repeated it, because I’d heard people around me say it, out of habit, or as a way to make myself feel better. But nothing actually changed. It was like my eyes were finally open.

    That’s when I realized the verse wasn’t meant to be a motivational slogan, it was meant to remind us that God’s strength equips us to walk faithfully in His will, whether life feels easy or impossible.

    Walking in God’s Strength

    God will give us strength, but only if it aligns with His will for our lives. Anything that requires faith, He gives strength for, whether that’s:

    • Enduring trials and suffering

    • Resisting temptation

    • Obeying His Word

    • Forgiving others

    • Serving and loving others

    • Sharing the Gospel boldly

    • Standing firm in faith

    • Doing good works

    The Danger of Misusing Scripture

    But here’s the thing, misusing scripture is dangerous. It sets up false expectations. If someone, believes this verse means, “God will give me strength to succeed at whatever I want,” they may expect guaranteed wins, wealth, or breakthroughs in life. And When life doesn’t turn out that way, it can lead to disappointment with God and even loss of faith.

    I know because I’ve been there. And it wasn’t just this one scripture… it was a lifetime of misinterpretations of scriptures I’d heard over the years. The danger isn’t just quoting them wrong; it’s developing a view of God that isn’t biblical. That false view can leave people discouraged, disappointed, or even walking away from the faith when life gets hard.

    A Hopeful Perspective

    The good thing is, even when we’ve misunderstood, God doesn’t throw us away. He corrects us gently and opens our eyes to the truth.

    Philippians 4:13 may not promise we’ll get everything we want, but it promises something even better…  It means no matter what I face, whether I’m in a season of plenty or a season of lack… Christ is right there giving me the strength to keep going.

    My Takeaway

    Instead of using this verse like a motivational quote, I can hold onto it as a promise… God’s presence will carry me through whatever comes. And when my faith is built on that, it’s not so easily shaken when life doesn’t go my way.

  • What If the Thing You’re Praying For Showed Up Tomorrow?

    What If the Thing You’re Praying For Showed Up Tomorrow?

    A story about passivity, pain, and preparing for the very thing you say you want

    Let’s be real—waiting is not easy.

    Whether you’re waiting on healing, a relationship, a promise God gave you, or just some peace in the middle of the chaos… it can feel like you’re sitting in the middle of a silent storm, wondering if anything is actually shifting behind the scenes.

    When Waiting Starts to Feel Like Doing Nothing

    For a long time, I thought waiting meant doing nothing. Just sitting still, praying, and hoping something would change. And don’t get me wrong—sometimes, being still is obedience. But other times, we confuse stillness with passivity. We confuse rest with procrastination. We confuse patience with avoidance.

    And then we wonder why the promise still feels so far away.

    The Question That Shifted Everything

    At some point, I had to ask myself a hard question:

    “If the thing I’m waiting for showed up tomorrow… would I actually be ready for it?”

    The honest answer?

    No.

    Not mentally. Not emotionally. Not spiritually.

    I was asking for blessings I hadn’t even made room for.

    And that’s when I started to understand:

    That waiting is preparation.

    That waiting is where you become.

    I Thought I Was Trusting God… But I Was Just Passive

    But the truth is… I didn’t always see it that way.

    I used to expect God to do it all for me, just because I was hurting. But I had to learn, God will heal you, but He won’t baby your passivity. He’s not just the God of comfort. He’s also the God of callings. And callings require action.

    Passivity is bottling up emotions and pretending you’re fine when you really have questions, but instead you just go with the flow in hope of things getting better.

    For years, I thought I was waiting on God when I was really just being passive.

    I told myself I was trusting Him. I repeated all the right things: “God’s timing is perfect.” “He’ll come through.” But deep down, I wasn’t preparing for anything. I was sitting in fear, hoping something would just fall into place.

    If I’m being completely honest, I wasn’t moving. I wasn’t healing. I wasn’t growing. I was just stuck—mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

    How Passivity Affected My Faith

    And that passivity didn’t just slow down the things I was praying for… it strained my relationship with God too.

    I started to confuse His silence with rejection.

    I started assuming that maybe I wasn’t good enough, spiritual enough, or ready enough to be chosen.

    But what I’ve come to realize is… it wasn’t about worth.

    I simply wasn’t positioned.

    I wanted blessings I hadn’t made room for.

    I wanted breakthrough without breaking the cycles.

    I wanted to receive without being refined.

    It took me a while to see that sometimes we don’t need “more faith.”

    We need movement.

    We need obedience.

    We need to stop calling fear “patience.”

    Where the Passivity Came From

    But here’s what I had to dig into…

    This passive behavior didn’t come out of nowhere.

    It was formed in me. Layer by layer, experience by experience.

    Growing up, failure didn’t feel like something you learn from, it felt like punishment.

    So I learned early: Don’t try if you’re not sure. Don’t speak if it might stir something up. Don’t move unless you’re guaranteed a win. It felt safer to sit still than to risk being wrong.

    When Silence Becomes a Way of Life

    And honestly, I got used to not having a voice.

    Sometimes it was implied. Other times, I was just too scared to say what I really felt.

    So I stayed silent. I shrunk. I avoided. I waited.

    And over time, that waiting turned into hiding.

    Small Moments Can Make A Big Impact

    I’ll never forget this one moment in high school… I was on the basketball team. I wasn’t the best, but I kept showing up. One day, coach finally put me in a game.

    I was nervous. I wasn’t great at remembering the drills, and it showed. I messed up. Bad.

    The ball came my way and I dribbled it so hard and awkward that the other team snatched it. It felt like the gym turned against me. Coach pulled me right out of the game.

    I was so embarrassed, I just wanted to disappear.

    I never played again.

    I’ve laughed about that moment since, but if I’m honest…

    That one moment became a seed.

    It told me: “If you’re not already good at something, don’t even bother.”

    And I carried that into so many areas of my life… including my walk with God.

    What I Wasn’t Taught About Faith

    I wasn’t taught to wrestle with Him. I wasn’t taught that faith could include frustration or that questions could lead to deeper trust.

    I was taught to say “trust God” even when it didn’t look like it was working.

    I watched people declare promises over and over in church that never came and then watching them die with those promises still unfulfilled.

    That kind of disappointment stays with you.

    So I started believing that maybe… waiting was just spiritual language for nothing happening.

    Where the Passivity Really Came From

    The passivity didn’t come from laziness.

    It came from pain.

    From disappointment.

    From fearing that if I moved, I’d mess something up.

    From seeing people hope hard… and still be let down.

    But God… He’s Still Forming Me

    But here’s the part I hold on to now:

    God can un-form what fear formed.

    Passivity may have robbed me of time, but it hasn’t robbed me of purpose.

    God is still calling me. And this time, I’m not sitting still.

    Not because I have it all figured out, but because I know He does.

    What Preparation Really Looks Like

    Now, I’m learning that waiting doesn’t mean shrinking.

    Waiting doesn’t mean hiding.

    Waiting means preparing… actively, intentionally, faithfully.

    Sometimes preparation looks like therapy.

    Sometimes it’s forgiving people who didn’t ask for forgiveness and never said sorry.

    Sometimes it’s organizing your life, cleaning your space, taking care of your health, or building something God told you to build.

    Sometimes it’s just learning to rest and trust without checking the clock every five minutes.

    I’m Still in the Thick of It

    I’m still in the thick of it.

    Still learning.

    Still surrendering.

    Still untangling old beliefs and unhealthy mindsets.

    But I see now that God’s delays aren’t always denials, they’re divine developments.

    So Let Me Ask You What I Asked Myself…

    So if you’re in a season that feels quiet and like you’re in the-in-between, ask yourself the same question I had to face:

    If what you’re praying for showed up tomorrow… would you be ready for it?

    And if not, don’t shame yourself.

    Just start preparing.

    Not from a place of desperation or pressure.

    But from a place of hope.

    Because when the door opens, I want to walk through it whole

    not broken,

    not frantic,

    not faking it…

    but ready.

  • Torn Between Two Loves: Sin and Savior

    Torn Between Two Loves: Sin and Savior

    My honest wrestle with sin and spiritual loyalty

    The Conflict of Two Loves

    As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve been unfaithful to my Savior. More often than I care to admit.

    It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t love Him, because I do. Because of Jesus, I’ve been able to experience a real and personal relationship with God. A love that reminds me I’m seen, chosen, and deeply known.

    The kind of love that covers shame, quiets fear, and heals places I didn’t even know were bleeding.

    It’s beautiful, but it also comes with a cost. A cost that requires me to crucify my flesh daily and walk away from what once comforted me. Because on the other side of that beauty is real darkness. A devil that hates the love God has for His children. And because he hates it, he attacks it.

    He feeds the sinful nature inside all of us, the part that craves gratification, attention, escape. The part that wants what it wants right now. And if you’re not watchful, if you slip, if you’re tired or vulnerable, it creeps in. Quietly. Quickly. Convincingly.

    It’ll sound like:

    “Just this once.”

    “God will forgive you.”

    “No one has to know.”

    But that’s the trick. The enemy’s only real power is deception. And deception, when believed, leads to disobedience.

    The Allure of Sin

    Sin doesn’t always show up looking like a red flag. Sometimes it shows up dressed in comfort, in old habits, in desires that whisper, “This will make you feel better.” It doesn’t come as a threat, it comes as a relief. A temporary escape. A numbing agent.

    For me, sin often comes when I’m tired. Weary. Waiting on God and wondering if He hears me. And before I know it, I find myself entertaining thoughts, habits, or even people that I’ve already told God I was done with. I’ve cried real tears over wanting to be better… wanting to honor God with my body, with my choices, with my loyalty, but then I find myself going back to what I know leads me further from Him.

    Sin is patient. It waits until the moment you’re spiritually dry, emotionally vulnerable, or just hungry for affection, attention, or control. And when it finds an opening, it doesn’t ask permission. It slides in like an old lover who knows just what to say.

    And the worst part? Sometimes I say yes.

    The Rationalization and Rebellion

    “I’ll repent later.”

    “I’ve already done it before, what’s one more time?”

    “I’m human.”

    I’ve used every excuse in the book to justify going back to things I know break God’s heart and mine too, honestly. It’s not just rebellion… it’s self-betrayal. Because every time I choose sin, I betray the healed, whole, obedient version of me that I’ve been praying to become.

    And yet… God doesn’t stop loving me.

    That’s what makes this so complex.

    The same love that should anchor me… sometimes becomes the thing I take for granted.

    The Hidden Cost

    Sin doesn’t send an invoice right away. It waits.

    At first, everything feels good, even freeing. But later… comes the shame. The distance. The confusion. The heavy silence in prayer. The feeling that I can’t look Jesus in the eyes, not because He turned away from me, but because I’m hiding, like Adam and Eve in the garden.

    Sin has cost me clarity, peace, spiritual confidence, and time. It’s made me question whether I’ll ever really change. Whether I’m capable of true commitment to Christ. It’s made me feel like a fraud even while leading or encouraging others.

    But grace won’t stop chasing me.

    The Turning Point

    There’s no single dramatic moment I can point to where everything shifted. For me, it’s been a series of quiet convictions. The kind of conviction that doesn’t shame me, but gently pulls me back to the feet of Jesus. The Holy Spirit doesn’t yell, He whispers.

    Sometimes, the turning point looks like me deleting a number. Saying “no” when my body wants to say “yes.” Being honest in prayer and saying, “God, I still want this… help me not to.”

    And sometimes, the turning point is just getting back up after I fall.

    Coming Back Home

    I’ve learned that repentance isn’t about perfection. It’s about posture.

    God isn’t asking for flawless behavior, He’s asking for a loyal heart.

    And loyalty looks like showing up, even after I’ve messed up.

    It looks like surrendering again and again.

    It looks like trusting that Jesus already paid for my failures, and I don’t have to keep paying for them with shame.

    Every time I return to Him, I find open arms.

    Not punishment. Not distance.

    But grace. Healing. Renewal.

    And somehow… He still calls me His.

    Final Reflection: Torn, But Choosing Love

    I don’t write this from a place of having arrived, I’m still on the journey. I still get tempted. I still feel weak sometimes. But I’m learning how to fight differently. I’m learning how to recognize the lie before I agree with it. I’m learning how to choose God, not just because He loves me, but because I love Him back.

    And that love? It’s worth protecting.

    If you’re struggling like me, torn between what you know is right and what your flesh still craves, you’re not alone. And you’re not too far gone.

    God sees your heart. He sees the effort. The tears. The wrestling.

    Keep coming back to Him.

    Every time you do, He’ll still be there… arms open, heart ready, grace fully available.

    Reflection Question:

    Do I love God enough to walk away from what keeps separating me from Him?

    Prayer

    Lord, I don’t want to keep choosing what pulls me away from You.

    Give me the strength to walk away from what feels good, but harms my soul.

    Remind me of Your love when I feel weak and help me to love You more than I love my comfort, my habits, or my desires.

    Don’t allow me to have peace with the things that try to keep me separate from you.

    Thank You for never giving up on me, even when I’ve wandered.

    Today, I choose You again.

    Amen.